How do you find the time?

[cookie1]

Phew Nik, go ahead and whinge away. If anyone doesn't like it they can not read it.  Selling your home is a very stressful time all by itself. As long as everyone is well cared for and loved other things don't matter.

[CreamPuff63]

when my kids were small they all spent one day a week in childcare and it was good for both me and them. years ago I gave up the idea of trying to be a Supermum, although I have always maintained a reasonably tidy and reasonably clean house to keep my sanity in order.  I would hate my headstone to read "and here lies (CP63) -- she kept a very clean house". Its important to find time regularly to do things that you enjoy, and housework will always be there waiting for you regardless.

[NICKY 74]

funny you should say that cp63, i am a florist, and although i have been living in australia now for over 8 years, i grew up in the uk and a main part of our business was funeral flowers, at 20 i would hear stories of customers ordering their tributes and saying oh they had a hard life, or this and that, and i thought, i dont want people to say that about me, i want them to say "wow she lived life to the full" so i concentrated on my goals and went to work in austria as a chalet girl. i had a ball, lived there summer and winter for 5 years, seeing 2 very different seasons with the party animals in winter that skied hard, partied hard, and the more relaxed hikers in summer, that put me to shame when the 70year olds would actually hike right to the top of mountains.
so i met my dh in austria who is an aussie, hence living here now, and since having kids i must say its often hard to remember my own philosophy i sometimes miss that period in my life, but wouldnt swap it for my kids, the challenges they bring are definately outweighed by the rewards and cuddles.
so everyone, take time to enjoy and remember we are here for a good time not a long time!!!!! 
nicky

[NICKY 74]

and wow, this thread has started something, it seems a lot of people feel the same!

[Frozzie]

yep and think its great to know that others feel the same..sometimes being a mum can be lonely in respect to our daily tasks and always thinking we arent living up to the norm!!  thing is the norm is chaos lol...it feels good to know others are the same 

[Nik2WIN]

main part of our business was funeral flowers, at 20 i would hear stories of customers ordering their tributes and saying oh they had a hard life, or this and that, and i thought, i dont want people to say that about me, i want them to say "wow she lived life to the full" so i concentrated on my goals and went to work in austria as a chalet girl.

Funny you should say that, we lost dh's brother in an rta when he was 29.  He'd only been married 9 months but one thing that was of "comfort" to us was that he'd packed so much into his short life.  He really had lived life to the full!

My house is rarely "spotless" but always welcoming.  When visitors drop by I sit and chat with them rather than multi tasking.  In the summer (its difficult to remember summer when there's an inch of frost on the car) we quite frequently abandon the house and go play.

And Cookie, I learnt ages ago that whinging doesn't change anything - it actually often just prolongs the agony as you moan, moan, moan about a situation.  I much prefer to find the humour in the writing on the wall (literally) or the food on the carpet ....   

Life is mad, you might as well laugh about.

Nik

[Chelsea (Thermie Groupie)]

I think most of us with small children are in the same boat. There are never enough hours in the day and life is just so busy.  I put the kids into child care one day each week and spend the day madly cleaning, ironing, washing, weeding, mending and fruit and veg shopping.  After I have finished my frenzy I sit back with a nice drink and enjoy the clean house for a few moments before picking the boys up.

I have become more conscious of time wasting and now limit my time on the computer.  It is too easy to get distracted and loose a couple of hours.  I also limit my cooking now.  I was spending too much time in the kitchen and not enough time with my family.  I loved making everything from scratch with the thermomix for our family, but I had to give up precious time with the boys to do that. I believe in kids going off to play, but also think they need time with their parent throughout the day. Lately I have been buying bread - something I never thought I would do again.  It is wholesome and sometimes organic bread that I buy, but still bought bread.  Buying bread has made a big difference to my days though and has really has lightened my load.

I am learning to be kind to myself and set myself more achieveable goals for mothering and housekeeping.

[thermie crew]

Hooray-some honest mums ! I suppose though it's easier to open up via a computer screen than face to face at playgroup/mother's group!

It all seems to be a case of finding the right balance for each family-some days I'm almost there, and other days the walls collapse around me! I'm often tired from interrupted sleep like many of the rest of you and my little ones rise very early in the morning. I used to whinge about the early start but now I try to use this to my advantage-by 6:30am I have normally hung out the washing, unstacked the dishwasher (both put on the night before to save power), got the children dressed and ready for the day. I then do the bread while eating/cleaning up breakfast. Sometimes I even get some dinner prep done, this is the time of the day that my children actually seem to get along and be slightly independent so I make the most of it  It all goes downhill from there but my main jobs are already done for the day so I can relax in the chaos a bit more (I should say 'try' to relax, I'm a tad highly strung!).

I'm extremely lucky too to have a very hands on hubby-one night he baths the kids and puts them to bed while I clean up the house and kitchen, the next night we swap. Parenting is hard enough as a team sometimes so my deepest repect goes to those that do it solo. I also think those of you who have children with special needs are amazing-you are your child's parent, advocate and educator, be kind to yourselves!

[cookie1]

I used to complain when people walked on my nice clean floor/carpet/etc. Then after my Dad died I realised that Mum would have no one to walk on her floors. It hit me very strongly that at least I have people  dirtying things up. How horrid to have no one to make things dirty.  It seems silly but it hit me very strongly. Now if I want to complain, I simply remember this and keep my mouth shut. A bit like Pollyanna and her positive things.

Nicola1968 I really do agree with finding the humour in things. There are so  many things that we have a laugh about-if we didn't we may well cry about them. DD works in the medical industry and speaks often of the 'black' humour that people use to help them get through. As teachers we used 'black' humour often. Never meaning any disrespect though. Just a coping mechanism.

[natmum]

  I love the honesty...our house is clean..but not very organised.. Formal lounge room has chair covers that is the clean clothes that need to be folded....not including socks and undies they go in a separate basket..easier to find in a hurry..everyone in it is happy.. and well feed ..I think.

[Nik2WIN]

We have the estate agent coming round this afternoon to take marketing photos of the house but over the next day or so I'll try and give you some "honesty".  I don't go for all this supermum cr*p and competitiveness.

The bottom line is that something's got to give and I'd rather have my kids happy and healthy than be screaming at them to take their shoes off or only let them have one toy out at a time.

Nik

P.S.  Actually, for the most part, my boys really love my home cooked stuff - ds2 actually demanded to take a loaf of my bread into school for show and tell - they were learning about Gaudi at the time who only every drew with curves and had no straight lines in his work - I'd made a cottage loaf.  He showed and told it and then the class all ate some of it 

[natmum]

Another with 4 kids here.  16, 9, 5 and 3... and two of the boys are ASD, ADHD

Ceejay would like to know if you medicate your boys...my son has had problems for a number of years. He  is 6 going to be 7 this year. I walked out last year when the Developmental centre here wanted to medicate him (mostly because DH and MIL are totally against it) But things have started to get worse, so saw GP yesterday who has booked him in to a private Phscologist and this time I will as he himself is struggling,  that to me isn't fair!..

So give me your advice!!

[thermie crew]

Sorry-bit off the topic now but in response the the quote form ceejay, have you looked into any alternative therapies? I've used Sound Therapy ('The Listening Program') and Primitive Reflex integration ('Rhytmic Movement Training') successfully for several children I've worked with who have ADHD and/or ASD-goggle them. There's a lot on offer out there if you aren't keen to go down the medication route. Medication can mask the symtoms we see but not treat the cause. Working from a neurological perspective will though.

[Nik2WIN]

Another with 4 kids here.  16, 9, 5 and 3... and two of the boys are ASD, ADHD

Ceejay would like to know if you medicate your boys...my son has had problems for a number of years. He  is 6 going to be 7 this year. I walked out last year when the Developmental centre here wanted to medicate him (mostly because DH and MIL are totally against it) But things have started to get worse, so saw GP yesterday who has booked him in to a private Phscologist and this time I will as he himself is struggling,  that to me isn't fair!..

So give me your advice!!

I'm not Ceejay but two of my boys have ADHD.  William ( my oldest is really very severe) and we reluctantly began medication just before he was 5.  At the time, we lived in a war zone and the poor child could do nothing right.  His relationships within the family were just awful and his self esteem was at rock bottom.  Medication saved his life, almost literally.  I was also against medication but I also believed that ADHD was down to bad parenting (well THAT bit me on the bum!  )  I have tried everything, fish oils, diet, exercise (actually makes him worse - gives him more bloody energy!) and I've also done a number of parenting classes - I'm actually qualified to facilitate a parenting class (we don't teach, we merely 'facilitate' the participants to find their own answers ....

My middle child is borderline ADHD and benefts hugely from a small dose of ritalin in the morning on school days.  We rarely give it to him on non school days as Will is still pretty hyper even with his cocktail of drugs so it makes no sense to have a super loon and a docile child!  It allows him to focus at school and actually learn, it also helps in his relationships with his peers at school - ADHD children are generally NOT the most popular because they are so unpredictable.

I presume your child has been offered ritalin which has actually been in use for a number of decades (since about the '60's I believe).  Unfortunately everyone is biased so I won't bore you with my opinion but when we tried Will on it, very reluctantly, we decided on a three month trial.  There are other non-stimulant drugs such as atomoxetine which are newer and work differently - ritalin works when you take it and then wears off - it doesn't build up in the system or anything like that but atomoxetine builds up in time.

I don't know where you are but a good paediatrician is a God send.  William sees a paediatric psychiatrist and she has taken over his prescribing now and I noticed you are booked to see a psychologist - a point to note is that (in the UK at least) psychologists can't prescribe and may be biased away from medication.

Feel free to PM me if you want to - I'm happy to help/reassure/listen to the latest escapade that you child has got up to 

I've just seen Thermie Crew's response and wanted to add that nobody actually knows the cause of ADHD but its largely believed that there is an element of genetics in play.  If this is the case, you can only hope to mask the symptoms as you can't change the genetics ...

Nik

[natmum]

  Thanks Nik
Your oldest son sounds very much like mine..he is always the "blame" for everything and can do nothing right..I have always tried to not be so angry at him, but i'm only 1 parent and family member. He is a beautiful child!! I have tried everything as you did. I keep him on a very simple diet too.Did OT last year . Feel very sorry for him as he has problems making friends and is very far behind in school at least 1.5yrs below most children his age. Have been told numerous times it is my parenting ( Don't listen now as I have done the courses too and could control a Daycare of 60 children, before I had him)
We are in Perth. WA. The lady we are seeing tuesday sounds lovely and is truely going to listen.
Will keep you all updated. A big issue we have is sleeping so they also want to medicate him for this too!