How do you find the time?

[KarenH]

There is a fabulous book called "Motherguilt" by Ita Buttrose and Penny Adams ........... a really  down to earth and "real" book that tells it like it is, about motherhood and the difficulties we face, and the way that women tend to beat ourselves up emotionally for not being "perfect" (whatever that is), and how to relax and be kind to ourselves.   I know it is really difficult to find the time to read when you have young kids, but I found this book really helpful.    to all the busy women out there 

[Nik2WIN]

I have two of my children medicated for sleep - they are on melatonin which is a synthetic reproduction of a hormone produced by the body.  They are NOT medicated for my amusement or even my convenience at night but if they don't go to sleep at a reasonable hour they can't get up in the morning and I've learnt that there is very little worse in life than a tired ADHD child!!

 

Nik

[thermie crew]

I'm absolutely floored that more than one of you have been told that 'bad parenting' is the cause for your child's condition  . I'm glad that you no longer believe it! If anything you are probably better parents than most as you have to work so much harder to get anywhere-your courses demonstrate this.

I believe that hereditary factors make an individual more likely to be diagnosed with the condition but that this does not exist in isolation. Children with ADHD are similar to toddlers in regards to their impulsiveness, lack of concentration and need for continual movement. This suggests that maturation of the brain has been delayed-there are not the same number of nerve nets in the neocortex and frontal lobes. I find the children I work with to be very bright but their behaviour is sadly still governed by lower parts of the brain-a source of extreme frustration to the individual.

Movements from early childhood such as rocking, rolling and crawling can be really successful in creating better connections within the brain, allowing the higher centres to take over control (and therefore improving concentration, behaviour and wellbeing). This is especially important in children who missed these milestones as a baby.

I can understand peoples scepticism but the follwing websites may be really helpful if you want to learn more:
www.movetolearn.com.au
www.rhythmicmovement.com
http://www.inpp.org.uk

Move to Learn is particularly great as it can be done at home for only the cost of the DVD/book. It can also be done in your child's classroom with the teacher's support. It's a very small amount of money for something that could improve your child's life dramatically-worth a try really.

[CarolineT]

I would just like to put my 2cents worth in. I have been reading your posts and couldn't not say anything.
There is a lady in Northern NSW who deals with balancing the body.  We first took my son to see her as he is dyslexic and have had amazing results.  To date all my immediate family has been to see her and a couple of friends.  I have sat in on all the treatments and have witnessed some incredible transformations.  She uses eastern medicine to treat imbalances in the body including brain mapping and treats illnesses from cancer, allergies, ADHD, dyslexia you name it she treats it!  She is the only one in Australia practicing the way she does, she is not a hippy or a fruitloop, but a well educated lady.  I was very sceptical when I first heard about her, but the person who recommended her was so insistant that I decided to give her a try.  I would recommend her to anyone, her prices are very reasonable and she doesn't prescribe a lot of medication.  Anyway her details are:
www.ruahrainforestretreat@bigpond.com.au 367 Settlement Road Chillingham NSW 2484  02 6679 1868
Hope someone finds this information helpful

[natmum]

Thanks CarolineT if I lived in NSW I would definately go and see her. I think anything is worth a try when it comes to our beautiful kids!!! Will keep my eye out for someone like that here in Perth WA.

[KerrynN]

We have been taking my eldest son to see a pediatrician as he has some behaviour management issues - anger control, fitting in with social rules and others. He also has sleeping issues, in that it takes him a really long time to settle to sleep but is always up before 7am (not as early as some I know) and is always tired and therefore less able to cope with stressful situations or see beyond the negative. His pediatrician has said he has borderline Aspergers tendencies (won't wear some clothes because they "feel bad" for example). This doesn't change anything, but does give us a different perspective on his behaviour. Our son is taking a melatonin product too, and it certainly helps him to get to sleep.

I did recently read a book called "They are what you feed them" by Alex Richardson. The book is about how foods impact on the brain and therefore on behaviour, mood and learning. See http://www.fabresearch.org/962 for more info. It was a really interesting read and one you might find helpful.

As a parent it is heart breaking to see your kids struggle in making friends or fitting in with other kids, for whatever reason. the way you deal with it has to be the way that fits with you and your family. Otherwise you are just adding more stress to your lives that you really don't need. Who cares what everyone else thinks? They don't live your life, only you do that.

[Frozzie]

just have to say to be careful of either books, doctors or other saying that food is the problem...my brother had/still has in my opinion severe ADHD (doctors say they grow out of it and/or learn to cope better..my brother never did...he is still as impulsive, angry, chaotic, hyper as he always was maybe just able to manage himself around people he has too but it never lasts that long) and this was well before it was a well known and acknowledged problem..my poor mum was told by every doctor, specialist etc that it was food related.she had him and herself as support on all sorts of weird and wonderful diets....its wrong imo...alot of behavioural problems are not caused by what we eat at all..they may not be helping but certainly dont cause the problem and no diet is going to fix the problem either..eg true ADD (and not just an overactive kid) is a chemical imbalance in the brain that you are born with...saying that i think every one of us should be careful what we eat as well as what we put on our bodies etc etc...in any case i would avoid that area totally in relation to behavioural and learning problems.  Still great to read and research though and when possible speak to specialists in the area of your childs problem and not just a GP.

my brother used to see specialists who were the leaders in this speciality, sadly one passed away and the other im not sure about in any case others have taken their place.  Now there are so many doctors, specialists etc and alot of misdiagnosed kids but anyway thats a whole other topic lol

anyway sorry just my 2 cents but after seeing my mum struggle with bieng told food is the problem i just had to say something ..

 

[Nik2WIN]

Thanks for that Frozzie.  I'm too emotionally involved to formulate an appropriate response to some of the diet/supplement arguments

Fortunately my ds1 has a team of specialists who already feel that his ADHD, at 9, is too severe for him to grow out of when he reaches adulthood.

Nik

[Frozzie]

Thanks for that Frozzie.  I'm too emotionally involved to formulate an appropriate response to some of the diet/supplement arguments

Fortunately my ds1 has a team of specialists who already feel that his ADHD, at 9, is too severe for him to grow out of when he reaches adulthood.

Nik

i can understand nik..its very hard to deal with and even more so when they are constantly around you and it causes alot of pressure on everyone in the family unit..i know it isnt easy but your ds is young yet so dont get disheartened doctors can be wrong about later on as that depends largely on the individual and their determination but it will be a lifelong struggle for him to control his behaviour and for you to help him with that control and making him responsible for his actions (something my mum never did..think she thought he had enough against him but in the end it hasnt helped him at all jsut worsened his behaviour)..are you in a parents support group (that helps alot ..my mum used to be quite involved in running them where we used to live.if not you_ should look into it).

.my only advice as someone who grew up with a sibling with severe ADHD is to not give into all the whims and emotional demands..unfortunatley my mum did and still does and it has only increased his problem and causes alot of family problems also..i know as a mum its obvioysly alot harder than a sibling but gives a clearer perspective as you find yoiurself in a world where you suffer along with them but have no control over anything but experience it all and its not easy but i thik its important that the child learns to be responsible for their actions as i mentioned before like any other child even if its harder for them if you understand my meaning..my brother learnt to use this to his advangtage which is sad and upsetting ie using his illness as a means to do what he wants and my mum let him ie it was never nipped in the bud and years and years later same thing even though the problems are alot bigger..also dont go thinking your son may turn out like my brother as he is a very very severe ADHD and most woldnt believe half the things he has done.  bottom line i think if you are there for your son but set limits and guide him as best you can im sure he will turn out just fine.  I also feel for you as a mum dealing with it all as I understand the choices, anguish and pain not to mention worry you are gong through..i saw it all first hand.

hang in there nik...the strength we have when necessary as mothers is amazing and in the end every mother trys teh best they can to do the best at bringing up their children then its up to them 

[natmum]

  It is so sad with what some children/adults have to deal with in life. I just hope all our children understand we did our best for them and yes sometimes we say and do things we aren't proud of, but as someone said before we aren't "SUPER" Mum's ..but we were chosen for our children!!! But boy I love finding the time to escape the pressure of being a Mum and just cook with the help of the TM!!!!

[Nik2WIN]

Frozzie, wow, what a reply, thanks, its always nice to hear from someone who understands what we're up against but to be honest, its been a long time coming but, we have reached acceptance.  DS1's ADHD is VERY severe (he's almost non-verbal without medication and incontinent) but I have had the benefit of having a brother like yours (and a mother like yours ...) and I want something different.  I was a woman in the workplace in the late '80's early 90's and had to work harder and smarter to be recognised for my achievements just as ds will have to work hard to overcome his ADHD.  When he reaches adulthood, there will be no allowances made (and to be honest, there's not many made at school) so I aim to make fairly few allowances now.

He has loads of fabulous qualities and we focus a great deal on them - he's really kind, he has a huge sense of justice and is very loving.  He's also very good company - I enjoy spending time with him, he makes me laugh

I feel very fortunate with our medical care team - they've worked with us over the years and have been very supportive.

Both my boys are very well liked because underneath the hopping and the jumping and the screeching and shouting they are really lovely boys

Oooh, I feel quite emotional

Somebody asked me a few weeks ago whether I thought they'd be OK when they got older.  I was a bit stumped initially but then I realised that they WOULD be OK, even if it kills me getting them there 

Nik

Nik

[judydawn]

I'm so glad you girls have found others to talk to who understand what you are going through - I wish you all well in raising your children to be accepted members of our community and being able to reach their full potential. It sounds as if it will not be from lack of effort on your part if this doesn't happen. 

[Frozzie]

  no prob couldnt help it...its stronger than me as I know its hard, very hard but think it helps a whole lot having grown up with it..allows you to deal with the problem differently with your own kids...fortunatley for me as i had such a hard time dealing with my brother.. my children seem to have skipped that 'gene' and although quite overactive kids are definately not ADHD and they sleep at night (when i was having doubts about my DD my mum said to me if she is sleeping at night (which she refused to do for the first 8mths of her life) then thats already a good sign ...you sound like a lovely mum nik and i like that you see the good sides of your boys and not justy their behavioural problems amongst all the stress and struggles...glad to hear about having a good medical team but i hope you have other parents around you in the same situation that you can talk to and just let off steam or unload now and then or at least good understanding friends )

[dede]

I also have a son (13) with ADHD. He was diagnosed at the age of 3 and has been medicated on and off for the last 10 years. every now and then I would give him a period of time without the medication to see how he would cope and sadly everytime things went down hill at school at home and with his friends. I always feel sad that who he is off his medication is a boy that his friends didn't like and that the teachers couldn't teach and his siblings (and parents) found it hard to cope with his behaviour. Its been tough at times with him suffering depression and feeling worthless when he was rejected by friends and especially as he gets older. recently we have had to change medication as the one he was on for the last few years was starting to give him migraines as he hit puberty. He is now on a different tablet which I really didn't want to put him on but it seems to be OK, we are also trying to cut out as many preservatives and additives as we can (Thanks to the TM) to try to improve his behaviour. He has another 4 years of high school to go and hopefully will be good bye to medication all together. I never used to tell anyone that he was on medication at all as I have heard some very negative people who would say some pretty nasty things. But the truth is that I really don't thing he would of coped at all without it. He would have no friends and would definitely suffer at school. and depression would become a huge problem as I have seen glimpses of this without medication and its not nice to see him suffer so much. the severity of ADHD differs from child to child and the treatment that works best for one may not work for another. We all just want the best for our children and will do what ever we have to do to achieve this.
 

[Nik2WIN]

But the truth is that I really don't thing he would of coped at all without it. He would have no friends and would definitely suffer at school. and depression would become a huge problem as I have seen glimpses of this without medication and its not nice to see him suffer so much.

I had to highlight this quote because it just about sums up the role of medication for the majority of parents - it is for the benefit of THE CHILD!!!  Its not so we can have an easy life, its so that our children can cope, so that they can learn and so that they can feel good about themselves.

I don't give a monkeys what my children destroy or the noise they make but I DO want them to fulfill their potential and to be able to make friends.

Nik