Not sure if I'm flattered or offended.....

[courton]

What was your response when she asked you Maddy?

[EmeraldSue]

Yes. It's a tricky situation. People don't understand how much cakes actually cost and how much time they actually take. I don't have an easy answer for you. Perhaps the best you can do is ask her to pay for the ingredients, tin hire etc which will easily add up to $50 and impress on her that your gift to her is the time and expertise that you will put into making her cake gorgeous. Either that, or just say no.
I am getting better at saying no, but it's always difficult. I got a phone call out of the blue last year from a friend that I've lost touch with. She asked me to make her mother's 70th birthday cake for a party that was only 1 1/2 weeks away and she wanted an iced and decorated fruit cake. I really didn't have time to do it, so I gave her a couple of options. I had an uniced fruit cake that I had made for an entry in the show which I hadn't got around to doing, or a miniature two tier fruitcake iced like a birdcage which was my trial entry for the show. She chose the uniced cake and persuaded another friend to ice it for her. She was happy today me $50 for the cake. I probably could have decorated it for her, but I felt put upon and really didn't have the time.
Good luck with your decision

[maddy]

What was your response when she asked you Maddy?

....it was "ummm" 

I am by no means a cake decorator, so I wouldn't dream of asking money for time.... But she has this way of getting you to do things, then you are scratching your head thinking what just happened!  I do feel at times that it's a one way street, and I need to learn to just say no.
I think if the delivery of the request was different, I wouldn't feel as annoyed 

[jakodai]

I think if the delivery of the request was different, I wouldn't feel as annoyed 

It's almost as if she's doing you a favour by getting you to do it for her. That's the impression I get from it, I'm good at getting the wrong impression, though... lol.

[Yvette]

Maddy you will do a wonderful job if you decide to do it, it was very bold of her to ask. Have you found out how much it is to hire everything?

[gertbysea]

The interesting thing here Maddy is that she did not come to you FIRST . You could have given her "mates rates" or not. Or it would have given you the opportunity to say it will be your gift but the fact that she found it was expensive and then came to you to you as a cheap alternative and obviously second or third choice  is poor form. She is not a good  or generous friend.

Ifi needed a cake and had a friend who made cakes they would be first choice for making my cake.

I would spell it out for her. Ask her to hire the pans, pay for the ingredients and gladly accept the  cash for your time or say your time spent will be your gift to her and she need only to pay the costs. Some people have no idea of the value of things.

 What saddens me is that your friend puts little value  on your skills but wants to use your skills for a bloody show off cake for her 40th. A very shallow woman I think.  Anyway she has no imagination if she wants a  very ordinary  cake like that.

Gert

[Merlin]

Maddy, I have relatives (particularly a family of four)like that who invite themselves to stay at our house for any length of time, despite the fact that they dont ask us if it is convenient ie fits into our work/school arrangements at that particular time- they request certain meals as they know I can whip up fantastic meals in the TM (which I am flattered by also)  but dont offer to help in any way ie preparation, buying ingredients, even little things like washing up/clearing up the table. To feed eight of us for more than 2 or 3 days in a row is a major workload especially when I have to come home from work late and nothing has been done in the house. They don't ever offer to cook or even to get takeaway or take us all out for a meal- in other words they treat our house like a hotel- beds are left unmade and the spare room gets incredibly untidy- they have even left laundry etc for ME to do, which I have put my foot down at- they can do their own washing!! I am normally a very charitable person and love to entertain family and friends but this particular family really annoys me (read- total freeloaders) and I as soon as I read your initial post, I immediately thought your friend sounds like these relatives of ours. Admittedly, she wants to pay you but I think you should politely decline her offer and suggest that despite the $50 you dont want to undertake the stress and workload of turning out a beautiful cake for her 40th.

[maddy]

The interesting thing here Maddy is that she did not come to you FIRST . You could have given her "mates rates" or not. Or it would have given you the opportunity to say it will be your gift but the fact that she found it was expensive and then came to you to you as a cheap alternative and obviously second or third choice  is poor form.

You've nailed it there Gert..I think that's what is irking me.
This party was a last minute thought, as they planned to go go abroad for her Birthday...money is not an issue, and she is known for her penny pinching ways.
It is exactly as you describe, a cheaper alternative where she doesn't have the hassle.
arghh....


Merlin....   really, who does that!   You need to decline like I do 

[fundj&e]

 Merlin would you care if u did not see this family agian ? 

[mcmich]

I would be making your home and hospitality a little less less available Merlin.
Don't cook every night and ask where they would like to go for dinner, even if they don't pay for your meal they will at least have to pay for their own.
When I stay at friends and relatives I always at least cook a meal or take them out.
A thankyou gift at the end of the stay is nice as well.

[andiesenji]

Say NO, Maddy.  Make up or engineer an excuse that sounds convincing.

I used to do cakes for people, sometimes for friends at discounted prices and while I did as good a job on the discounted ones as the ones I did for major dollars, the only people who really complained and were picky, were the people who were getting them on the cheap.

I finally learned my lesson and when anyone asked, I handed them my price list and told them that my costs were just as high and the time I spent on their cake was time I was not spending on another cake and was in essence costing me money if I charged less.

Strangely enough, when they paid full price, there were seldom any complaints about the cakes themselves.  

[deedub]

Uh oh, now I feel bad. My best friend has made my kid's birthday cakes for years, & they're always fantastic. She loans them her cake books & lets them choose whatever they want - fairy castles, mermaids, dinosaurs, anything. And I have never paid her other than a bottle or two of bubbly. I know she usually has the equipment on hand & she's doing it for love (plus she loves a challenge), but I feel really bad now. She's doing a cake for DD's birthday on Saturday, I know she won't accept money, might look into getting her a pamper package.
Totally different from your situation tho maddy. If you feel up to it, I'd do it & call it her b'day present. Do you know anyone you could borrow tins/boards from?

[fundj&e]

i think your safe dd, she sound like a true friend, i would do it for a few bottles  of bubbly

[judydawn]

When we first offer to do anything for anyone, we have to make sure it is not going to be an ongoing thing - people do tend to take things for granted and in the end resentment builds that our thoughtfulness has turned into continuing expectation on the part of the recipient. There are givers and there are takers - if it's a 2 way street it isn't so bad but there are so many takers in this world.

Merlin - I don't know how you put up with those visitors.  I'd definitely be leaving their beds unmade, just shut the door so you don't have to see them.  I could not put up with the way they treat your house and your hospitality. I am blessed in that I don't know any people like that.

[obbie]

Merlin just learn to say No.

Maddy, I would decline to do the cake, as you are too busy / going away/ some excuse....

We have a person  want to borrow tools from us, I always said No, because we never got them back ever. Glad they have moved away now..

Robyn