Not sure if I'm flattered or offended.....

[gertbysea]

Merlin would you care if u did not see this family agian ? 

Don't get me started on house guests.

Gert

[fundj&e]

how is the  B**ch  

[CreamPuff63]

I guess what this boils down to is that people will treat you as they do and take you for granted if you allow them to. If you are happy to provide free accommodation with all the frills, and bake a gorgeous ooh aah cake for friends or relatives then do it. If it rubs you up the wrong way, get out of it earlier rather than later.

So you "can be sure she gets what she wants" Maddy why not ask your friend along to shop while you get all the ingredients, hire the cake tin etc and then stand furtherest away from the till when its time to pay (ie. she has to offer and then you quietly accept  ). I'm sure you will feel better about it when you get home to make the cake that she has contributed something towards it.

Merlin, you need to be less hospitable with the freeloaders. Ask yourself why you do it and why you allow others to step down. They know you will step up to the mark, and you are probably telling them "oh no it doesn't matter, I will ...."

Deedub if you feel bad, go through with your plan to get your friend a pamper package. Even though she does it for love, it is a labour of love and it is better to overly generous with gifts. A bonus every now and then will be a surprise and warm the heart.

You reap what you sow. If the outcome is going to annoy you, change it to suit you.

(Note: this is written from a mother who goes on strike from time to time)

[mcmich]

how is the  B**ch  

Dirty B----, wasn't it?  

[obbie]

CP very well said.

keep striking now and then....

[gertbysea]

how is the  B**ch  

Dirty B----, wasn't it?  

Oh yeah haven't heard from them since their annual  Christmas epistle telling us of their constant travels , new cars, jobs, houses etc....

I let DH deal with that one. His friends after all.

Gert

[obbie]

Nazar, how do you get your dog to move in your signature.

[gertbysea]

She gives him a treat.

[fundj&e]

how is the  B***h  

Dirty B----, wasn't it?  

it was mich  

[nazar]

 obbie its my husband signture
 as he was the one to sign up here but l have taken it over
l will ask him when he gets home . he is the computer person not me

[andiesenji]

deedub, it is different if you are making some as a gift for a close friend - I've done that often but always voluntarily, I was never asked to do one because a commercial one was too expensive.

For close friends and relative, I offer to do whatever they need and tell them to consider it a gift.

What I am talking about in my previous post was when casual acquaintances would shop around and ask me after they learned how expensive the item they wanted would be.

[Merlin]

Thanks for all the advice everyone! At least the one consolation factor is that  this particularly annoying family is on my DH side and not mine therefore I feel I can tell them where to go in future. I have been polite up until now because it is my husband's family but it is also our house so I put my foot down a number of times eg last time they came I blew a fuse (metaphorically speaking ie had a meltdown) and told them that they should stop lounging around all day and make their own dinner/ meals etc or at least help in some way. After that- I grabbed a bottle of wine and my kids ( not necessarily in that order) slammed a few doors and left them to their own devices to get their own dinner ( I had arrived home from a particularly long day at work to find them all standing around asking "what's for dinner?")  The amazing thing is they still  don't get how rude they are- they  rang a few weeks ago wanting to 'visit' ie to stay at our house again later this year at a time when we are actually away and have a house sitter staying. We said no, but they still rang back asking to stay whilst our house sitter is here (who doesn't know them at all)!

[obbie]

Merlin Darling, I'm sending you hugs....

and, 1 piece of advice.

Change phone numbers and get a silent number so they can't ring you.

These are not friends, but users.

Robyn

[gertbysea]

Oh yeah big big hugs. You may have to say no a few times before these idiots get the message.

Gert

[judydawn]

Do you live in a holiday village or something Merlin?  When will they understand no means no, I do hope they don't just turn up and surprise your house sitter.  What does your DH think of these relatives?