On death and dying.
I have actually been writing this message for some months. Well since Ted was diagnosed with terminal Cancer in Sept 2014.
A dear and loving friend said " we don't do death well" . Very true but it inspired me to do better. We all must do better as we are all growing older and face this inevitable death. More conversation and a lot less stalling and fluffing about.
I have found dealing with the practicalities of death and dying interesting. As a nurse, pragmatic and a Scorpio I had no problems dealing with the death of you and yours in a practical way but It surprised me somewhat to realise it ain't the same when it happened to me.
Ted would agree he was not the best of husbands and it has been a very interesting marriage. Ted is eclectic in his tastes for women, music and books which amuses me no end. All of it. We had many good years, some wonderful and some the pits.
The last few years and indeed the last few months have been fraught with challenges but faced head on with good intentions and at times a ribald good humour when talking of past delights.
Ted agreed that it is easier to die than to stay. This this is definitely true. To watch your loved one suffer such a crap ending is trying.
Some advice from Ted.
"At our age and with a certain knowledge get your wills up to date. Make Enduring Powers of Attorney. Make an Advanced Health Directive and say what you wanna say now."
I might add also get your exit plans in order. If you do not want a fuss and funeral put it in writing. Ted"s brother died unexpectedly last week. He was only 93. Old you say. He sure was but he had many more years than ever was expected having been a prisoner of was for many years working on the Burma Railway. Poor Bill expected to live to his mother's age of 104. Ted too. Anyway I digress, the point is that Bill did not want a fuss or funeral but having failed to make his point they did it anyway.
Sadly Bill did not get to hear the tributes paid to him.
After much discussion with Ted over more than a few glasses of bubbles he decided that it was best to say his farewells while he was still here to do so and to see and hear what his friends and relatives might have to say. It has proved very interesting indeed. We have had a lot of laughs over the antics and remembered good times he and we have had. People have sent photos which hopefully will never be published in our time though our grandkids might then think we were quite the hoot in our time. Several sent pics of Ted quite naked sauntering up the street heading for home after neighbourhood parties. It was always his party ending party trick to throw off all inhibitions on the way home. Not always a good look.
Others are at a loss for words. It is hard to say goodbye and that is why in my small way I want to do better and encourage others to do better when facing the death of a loved one. We are all different of course. It is a very hard task but in my case and in our family we can talk about it openly. We are saying what needs to be said, dealing with the endless practicalities such as closing a business down, closing bank accounts, changing names on documents, making new wills, enduring powers of attorney and the all important Active Health Directive.
Ted has given many cherished things away to friends and family so he can see the joy or laughter or even the dismay on their faces. He has donated all his Aviation Books to a user friendly museum. We are gradually donating and giving other books away. He is still unsure of what to do with his many full orchestral music scores for Symphony and Concerto. It will be a shame if they end up as landfill.
I will, after popping in a photo of Ted which I could not resist taking on a recent visit to the doctor, ask Judy to lock this thread.
I know you will all be saddened by this news and most likely want to express how you feel and please know that all words are appreciated. So let us just take it as a given eh?
Ted is heading into the final phase and has chosen to die at the wonderful Palliative Care Hospital in Gordonvale just south of Cairns. He will know when he is ready to make that transition. For the moment we are doing ok at home. He can't walk far but he can still make it to the bar.
Here is his farewell. I might warn you Ted is not always politically correct but these are his words.
To my friends and acquaintances.
This is bad news which I can no longer delay sending to you. Last September I was diagnosed with terminal cancer (bowel and liver), which was a real shock as there had been no evidence of the problem at all. At the time, I decided to keep this within my immediate family and a few very close friends until we knew more. Surgery and radiation were ruled out so the oncology specialists could only offer the wretched chemotherapy program with all its sickness and misery. Not worth it!
So I decided to continue leading as normal a life as possible until the end comes, which is what I’ve been doing.
It now looks as if the end is possibly only weeks rather than months away. I’m under palliative care at home and am reasonably comfortable and very well looked after. I can look back on a fortunate life of 85 years – a life with a lot of lucky breaks. I was lucky to have worked for QANTAS through the years when it was probably the best international airline in the world. I was lucky to have met and married Gretchen who has been a devoted and wonderful wife. I was lucky to have a daughter in a million and a son who has given us two beautiful granddaughters. I am grateful to have been born in Australia of British lineage and lucky to have spent the formative days of my youth in White Australia, which was a far more secure and friendly society than the multicultural mess we have today.
It has also been great to have so many good friends and to have enjoyed knowing you all. There have been lots of good times and lots of laughs And every shared laugh is a lucky experience. As I will probably not be around much longer I’ll say a fond farewell and wish you good health and happiness in the days and years ahead.
Best regards,
Ted Fitch
uh
This photo says it all. Can't be repaired and can't be sold.
Gretchen
