Help getting family to do more

[dede]

I'm after some advise on trying to get my family to help me out more.

I think the main problem is me (yes me) I have always done everything and my lot are so used of me doing it all that they just don't think that maybe I need some help (especially at the moment)

I was thinking of setting up some kind of reward system where I would give ticks for every time someone does something for me (like making their beds, putting clothes in the laundry, drying up, mowing the lawn, taking the rubbish out etc etc)
And once they have so many ticks then I would give them a reward of some kind.

 But does giving rewards like this just create greedy kids that will only do something if they are rewarded?

I'm just getting frustrated at trying to do everything (that takes me 3 times longer) on my own and no one seems to care to much. I'm exhausted at the end of the day.

Or am I just being too fussy and should turn a blind eye?

Any advise?

[Halex]

Dede, your kids need to help you, especially at the moment.

I think it might be a god idea to have a family meeting after dinner. Explain what help is needed & where. Do up a chart & assign certain duties to everyone. If they are happy with their jobs keep them if not rotate them each week. These are standard jobs. Now once they are completed there could be reward chart for "extra" help.

This way they know that regular jobs are part of being a family member, extra jobs are rewarded. All the jobs you mentioned should be regular apart from mowing the lawn, this would be an "extra" job etc.

Hope this helps

H

[maddy]

I think it might be a god idea to have a family meeting after dinner. Explain what help is needed & where. Do up a chart & assign certain duties to everyone. If they are happy with their jobs keep them if not rotate them each week. These are standard jobs. Now once they are completed there could be reward chart for "extra" help.

Exactly what I would suggest.
Unfortunately kids do take for granted what the Mums do for them, and the household.
.....and dede.....you have sooooo many extra heads in your house.....I could only imagine the work load 
Have your round table discussion, work together a roster system, and take away privileges if they don't tow the line......you need the help.
Good luck 

[medusa]

My kids have basic jobs that are expected, ie keeping their rooms tidy, making their beds etc.I also make them wipe down their sinks after they have cleaned their teeth because dried up toothpaste makes me feel sick lol.  We also have a rota of three jobs which they do for a week and then they swap to the next job.  These jobs include setting the table, taking the bin out to the big bin and also feeding the cats and scooping the litter trays when needed.  My kids are 9, 10, and 13.  I also expect them at times to help me hang out or bring out the washing.  They also help me sort it and put away their own clothes.  My boys (the younger ones) are even good at vacuming their rooms. 

It probably sounds like I make them do a lot but it isn't.  I grew up doing nothing at home at all, maybe tidying my room but that is it.  I believe that in a family every one needs to pitch in and I want to make sure my children especially my boys know that.  I don't want them to get married (if that is what they choose) and be hopeless around the house (like my brother in laws).  I am lucky my hubby because he will do anything or everything, whatever is needed surprisingly considering how his brother and father are like, but I think that is why he is like he is.

It takes work to get them to do this because I think if you have done everything for them they will still expect it.  Make sure you stand strong and insist that they do their jobs.  Start out with easy things and once they get into the habit of doing those jobs add extra.  Be preapared for whinging!

[dede]

Thanks guys. I will have a discussion with the kids tonight and see if we can come up with a plan. They can be good at times (especially DD (12) ). But I think that they just take me for granted.

I'm certain a lot of its my own fault cause I am so fussy around the house. I find it hard to turn a blind eye to half done jobs. I'm forever redoing what everyone has tried to do.
Like when my DH makes the bed I always go back to it and straighten it up cause it annoys me when the pillows aren't sitting right or the bedding has creases in it. But a half done job is better than not done at all.

I will do up a non reward roster and a reward roster today and see what I come up with.

Even without being on crutches they need to help me more.

I hate yelling and I really don't want to go on strike as I would be really unhappy if everything was a disaster zone.

[Halex]

Dede, I am sure they will understand.  God luck

Ds does jobs, not to my standard but he does do them. I just say thanks, well done etc.

Having eb was a great eye opener, he would willingly hang out washing, bring washing in, do any job you asked him to do. No fuss at all.

My  weakness is cooking, I should get ds involved more, but the messssss,LOL

H

[judydawn]

Great suggestions there for you Mandi and I totally agree that how we mold our children, boys especially, will be a great asset for them (and their future wives).  In our era, boys and men generally did no 'female' work, only the outside jobs but times have changed and you find the younger generation expect their men to do as much around the house as they do (now who was I only saying that to the other day   ).  Us Mums have to train them and train them well for their future roll as a caring & sharing husband - not to the extreme where they do all the jobs though (I've seen that too!!).
I would get DH on side with this family discussion too - let him know how you are feeling and that you will need to get paid help in if the family don't lift their game.  This can work too if everyone thinks they are going to get a reduction in pocket money and treats because the extra money has to come from somewhere.  I once threatened exH that I was going to get a window cleaner in (a whole $3 but that was 40 years ago) and he jumped too very quickly and did them for me LOL.  Unfortunately that can't work with current DH so I do have to pay one as I simply can't do everything that needs to be done.
Good luck Mandi, we are totally behind you on this one.  

[cookie1]

That sounds like a great idea dede. If I may add a couple of comments. It would be great if they could 'choose' their jobs from those that need doing. That will give them some ownership. If no one selects a job well they have to do it until the rotation.

Probably most of all ,is try to live with the way they do the jobs. eg the beds may look very wrinkled, the dishes may not be totally dry, they may have missed parts of the floor when they swept. This will be hard but you will have to try and over look it. Even now when my DH does jobs I cringe but don't criticise as he'll never do it again. eg I HATE the way he hangs socks on the line.
Good luck.

[ElleG]

Good luck Dede. lots of great suggestions. I think you have identified why they arent helping as much as needed. It is hard to see jobs half done! My kids from 14 did their own washing and ironing. They were expected to help in the kitchen and on weekends clean, vaccum and tidy their rooms and bathrooms etc from a much younger age. Often, it wasnt too the standard I would have liked, but I bit my tounge and tried not to say anything!

This sounds the ideal time for the family to step up to the mark and you perhaps turn a 'blind eye' occassionally, and establish this as a habbit. Dont know how you do everything, mothers with large families and occupations are amazing 

[dede]

Lol cookie. I'm the same. When DH hangs clothes on the line it does look quiet funny. But I dare not say anything or he will never do it again.

I do usually mow the lawns my self because I am particular on how they are done, but that is definitely some thing I can't do (not that I have tried ).
I have managed to vacuum and mop, make beds, sweep, cook, wash up, dust, hang clothes on the line and do my framing. But I am just exhausted at the end of the day because of the extra effort to do everything and end up in bed extra early.

I was brought up doing heaps of jobs as a kid, especially on a farm there are lots of things that need doing all the time. I even had to milk a cow (god my kids would die if they had to do that).
And around here I do everything inside and out. My DH dosnt do much around the house unless I book him in to do it, he's always away either at work or on his farm.
The only thing I refuse to do is use a chain saw (if I started doing that I would have to cut all our own wood too) lol.
If anything needs repairing then it's usually me that fixed it.
  So there is my biggest problem is that I do to much and they all take advantage of it.

Oh I have had my big winge for the day. Better get this roster sorted out now.

[dede]

I better add that I do love being independent and I very very rarely ask for help. I am also very impatient so usually don't wait for help either. So I guess a lot of it is my own fault.

And I do love my family very much, but they do frustrate me often.

[obbie]

Great Idea about a roster Dede.
My kids help hang out the washing, fold clothes and put them away at 6 & 7.

I just started a reward chart for 5

5 jobs,
5 days per week
for $5.

folding clothes, tidying up toys, cleaning rooms, feeding chickens, help hanging up clothes, take rubbish out, pick up towels ect.

Robyn

[keiramax]

Now is the perfect time for the kids to step up and help out.  It's hard when you have particular ways of doing things but they will learn and get better at it.  These are all important life skills.  I'd just put a list of jobs on the table and get the kids to decide/negotiate with each other what they will do to contribute.  My friends do this at the start of every week and their primary school kids have developed great communication skills and can negotiate better than a United Nations Representative.  Actually it's a bit intimidating.

Rather than reward individuals, maybe you could have a family reward, get the team/family spirit going.

Good luck 

[achookwoman]

Dede,  don't be so fussy.
Appeal to their better nature,  a few tears might help.
Jobs for all,  let them choose.
Don't be afraid to sit and watch them work
Rewards??

yes ,  i was a tough mum.  Like you, worked long hours, stressful job.

[Frozzie]

Hope they listened and are willing to help out dede... If that doesnt work then go on strike and try your ardest not o cave in!