Forum Thermomix
Welcoming Center, Management and General Chat => Chit Chat => Topic started by: Nik2WIN on January 27, 2011, 07:36:04 pm
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OK am really loving the TMX and making all sorts of things with it that I would never have dreamed of but the house is really suffering ....
How on earth do you find the time to do all this cooking AND keep a house and do all the other stuff (another hobby of mine is sewing - nope, not done a thing since TMX came on the scene)
I know I went away last weekend and am still catching up housework wise from that but I don't work outside the home. I am bloody knackered because I'm woken by one or another child up to three times a night but apart from that I ought to be able to do a bit of cooking and keep house surely. Goodness knows how I'm going to cope when its time to start working in the garden again (another hobby .... :) )
Nik
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Oh Nik, when you have little children, there is very little time for much else.
You just can't do everything. I don't do much gardening and sometimes my house looks like a cyclone has gone through and I don't have any young children!
I used to sew as well, but that has become a thing of the past, only mending and altering done now.
I don't really have any advice because my time management skills are appalling. I try to be in my workshop making my products for a few hours a day, but it just doesn't happen. I spend many, many hours on my computer... :P
I find I actually talk and write about food more often than I actually cook it :D
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Ideally I think we all need a houskeeper and a gardener ;D ;D as we all would prefer to be in the kitchen with our TMX's or, as MJ says, on the computer talking about food. I can understand it must be hard with young children but a bit easier when there are just the 2 of you - the house certainly stays cleaner a lot longer. Visitors are a good thing I find as it then forces you to do a bit of neglected housework but as we get older, that becomes less important anyway. Enjoying what we are doing is what it is all about and life certainly isn't boring.
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Nik check out the flylady link in my sig, when I am 'flying' it is great and makes a huge difference. Ask away if you have any questions :)
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Ok heres what you do..
Go to www.flylady.net (http://www.flylady.net) take baby steps and you are away.
Don't expect it to happen all at once. It took me 1.5 yrs to finally sort everything out but I couldn't be happier. I work 8 - 8pm 7 days a week with 3 children and my house was a pigsty. I am not ashamed to say it, it was. Now I am company ready every day.
I hope it all works out for you.
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It is a balance thing.
For me I was cooking everything from scratch pre thermomix so bringing it into my kitchen reduced my time in the kitchen significantly. However you cant tell that by the state of my house at the moment. ???
I too use Flylady. But not a lot of it, I have picked the bits that do work for me, and I ignore the rest.
I have 4 children, 3 boys 6,4 and 8 months and one girl about to be 2. So they tend to keep me pretty busy as well.
Just find the balance that works for you. If cooking everything from scratch isn't working due to the time, prioritise those that are most important to you and make healthy choices in buying prepackaged things. So for instance you dont need to make bread everyday, you can buy bread from the supermarket and just make sure you choose one without the bad additives (normally the cheap ones are fine). For us we cant eat vinegar, and so the buying bread is not an option, so I make it.
Make sure you make it work for your family and don't let yourself feel guilty for not managing it all. We can only do what we can do. :-)
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I'm at the stage of life that as long as the house looks tidy, the beds are made and dishes done I'm right. I can then spend my time cooking or on here. Ironing gets done once a week, washing is no trouble as you just put it out and Monday is my cleaning day. If I had young children I think I would have to lock the computer away.
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You've got that last sentance the wrong way round Cookie, It should read:
If I had a computor I would need to lock the children away.
Disclaimer: this is said very tongue in cheek, I wouldn't lock my kids away so I could use the computer.
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Thanks for all the support guys (girls??). I've been using flylady for years and have loads of support from the flylady camp - there's a couple of forums here in the UK that give support. We all know each other really well so tell it how it is!! We also had a really great flymeet in November last year.
The trouble is I like making everything from scratch!! I'm going to have to work out how much of what I like I can do .... I did a load of bread making yesterday which should keep us going to at least Tuesday (its mostly in the freezer).
I did have all three children sleep through the night last night and if that keeps up I might actually be able to go to bed later (and may even have a little more energy during the day!)
Thanks again ;D
Nik
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another fly lady here.
just do what works for you.
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OMG, I couldn't bear the Flylady! The emails drove me crazy! Maybe it's changed....
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OMG, I couldn't bear the Flylady! The emails drove me crazy! Maybe it's changed....
They go straight in my spam filter :o
But I try to adhere to the principles - although if I did a load of washing a day we'd soon be drowning in dirty laundry ;D ;D
Nik
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OMG, I couldn't bear the Flylady! The emails drove me crazy! Maybe it's changed....
You can get a daily digest now MJ which is one email a day.
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OMG, I couldn't bear the Flylady! The emails drove me crazy! Maybe it's changed....
I haven't got the emails in forever, however still use some of her principes. It doesn't need to be an all or nothing thing. She is also on facebook now and I get the messages there, far less of them there though.
I don't shine my sink, but do use the routines as a basis, 4 small kids means mine needs to be adjusted.
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The trouble is I like making everything from scratch!! I'm going to have to work out how much of what I like I can do .... I did a load of bread making yesterday which should keep us going to at least Tuesday (its mostly in the freezer).
I did have all three children sleep through the night last night and if that keeps up I might actually be able to go to bed later (and may even have a little more energy during the day!)
Thanks again ;D
Nik
Life does get much better with a full nights sleep or two a week. (Says me who was woken by 3/4 children twice each last night and dragged out of bed at 6am, YAWN!!).
You will need to just add cooking into your routines and see how it fits, work out what is actually feasable to do by scratch for the week and do that, or like you did with the bread do a few bulk lots fo things and freeze.
Oh and try and lose the guilt about not managing to do it all. 3 kids is a lot of work, and even not working outside the home can create a lot of work too. For instance if you worked 5 days a week and the kids wer in daycare then the house would be left empty for many hours a week and therefore less mess would be created. Staying home creates lots of mess on its own.
Best of luck at finding the balance. :-)
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Amy
(Who is trying hard to find the balance herself).
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Hi all,
Just thought i would put in my bit. I have 5 children aged between 4 and 15. I find that I do my house work in the morning and cooking in the afternoon. ( dosnt always work that way). I am finding the kids are getting easier as I do get to sleep all night without disturbance. My husband works everyday of the week either at his paid job or on his farm and is hardly home to help out so I do all gardening and home maitenance my self as well as housework cooking and looking after the kids. All I can say is as the kids get older life becomes a little easier. Don't overload your self thinking about all the things that need doing. I just try to achieve one big job a day. Like mowing the lawns or cleaning the house. Changing all the sheets. Cleaning the windows. Etc. One big job gives you time for cooking and other everyday jobs. That's just the way I do it and it works pretty well for me. Saying this I better go and get the house work done as I have visitors tomorrow and want to get some cooking done.
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dede, I take my hat off to you for doing all that you do. Like you, I am happy if I get one job (big or small) done per day and over the moon if I get several done :-)).
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:) Don't beat yourself up over house work.
kids and husband won't remember if the floor was clean, or ironing done, but will love it more with a happy mum, not stressed out over little things.
I wash every morning, at least 2 loads, hang out before i take the kids to school. (prep and grade 1). age 5 and 6.
Iron once a week. clean house on weekends, plan my meals on weekends.
cook every night, bake biccies, cakes, , jams, bread, everything.
we have our own business, so i am in my office at 6am every day, before kids wake up. we are just about to expand with a retail store, trading 6 days a week, but you just do manage, and thrive on it.
I come home to my thermomix, and cook more.
look after my parents, cook alot of meals for them, my husband does the garden, i do the house.
we still have time for friends and family. in the school hols, we had 7-10 kids here most days, because its so fun here at our place.
Australia day we had a extra 4 kids, plus our 2, and other friends here for 2 days to stay, ( not planned, but great anyway.)
Robyn
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i think generally being a mum and at home housewife is hard work and alot for one person to manage so dont beat yourself up...it also depends on the kids...my DD creates chaos in this house..i have two young children 2 and 5, have a housekeeper that helps out a couple of hours a week and i still dont manage to get everything done..we have loads of washing and ironing that never seem to get done but sheets are always clean, the kitchen is generally organised and food gets put on the table..i think like everyone says tis about finding the balance but even that is not so easy to do...im forever drowning in tasks to do around the house and am forever struggling to get the house organised the way i wold like it to be...maybe one day but im not beating myself up about it as like i said before im one person and im only human not superwoman lol :) :)
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Oh my goodness the amount some of you do everyday was making me feel REALLY inadequate! :P
Then I remembered that I'd not actually had more than a handful of full night's sleep in 9 years and that my older two are on the autistic spectrum ....
Just when I get into a routine home wise another run of hospital visits throws a curve ball. ;D
Thanks for all your support ladies - I shall endeavour to find a better balance of cooking/baking etc. I think that I'm still struggling with trying to catch up with being away last weekend - I left DH with the children so they were still here making mess .... :-))
Nik
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We all work to the best of our ability. And some days we try and push ourselves way too far, LOL.
Life cant be easy with kids on the Autisitic spectrum, although very rewarding at times too from what I am told. Life with kids in general certainly has moments both ways.
Dh and I are doing a plan for ourselves at the moment. I need to let him cook some nights, and I need to accept that thermie wont be used those nights and that is ok.
Leaving kids home with Dad's for a weekend is sometimes a great reprive, but it does also generally come with catching up consequences. I have two weekends away in March, and while I am desperately looking forward to some kiddie free time, the results will be me playing catch up for a month. But that's the way it goes.
It's often easy to look at someone elses life and say "Gee they do a lot" or "Wow, I could never do that" but its hard to turn back and look at all we acheive in a day too.
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Another with 4 kids here. 16, 9, 5 and 3... and two of the boys are ASD, ADHD and the eldest was diagnosed with a rare terminal cancer 10 years ago. 3 boys and a girl. ;)
Life never stops (being a single parent I'm kind of glad I have plenty of energy) but I spend mornings doing basic tidying, washing and cleaning the kitchen.
This is the first year I've only had one at home during the week in like forever or so it feels!
Afternoons are usually for cooking/baking etc. I have a deal with the older children (although the 3yo likes to be included) that if they help tidy and clean, they each get to choose something to make during the cooking time. 8)
Somewhere in there I usually have at least 3 appointments a week to attend... with or without children in tow. :-\
As well as that, I admin on two forums and train for roller derby 2 times a week... oh and I usually do the housework on skates too with the music turned up. Makes it fun and the kids join in! Yes, they each have their own sets of skates too (with full safety gear!). :D
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;D ;D ;D That would be a sight to behold Ceejay. I'd be forever picking myself up off the floor :P :P
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;D ;D ;D That would be a sight to behold Ceejay. I'd be forever picking myself up off the floor :P :P
The kids and our friends are quite used to it now. ;)
Deciding whether to explain if I have to meet the postie at the door or such is a little more difficult at times! :D :D :D
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Wow ceejay havé to say hat goes off to a single mum... My hubby works long hours and is not often home which means i do both inside and outside of the house, shopping, cooking, school stuff (they start at three here and m'y ds eats at Home so its 4 trips to and from school a day) and bills etc. which is why we got someone to help a little each week which just takes the edge off and im grateful for that little bit of help!! .... But once in a while when hubby is Home i can escape for a bit but like amgrabrham that always means catchup because i dont know what they do when im gone but its usually like a tornado has hit!! :)
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I remember when my youngest was born 4 years ago and had to stay in hospital for 11 days because he was 5 weeks prem. My hubby had to look after 4 children under 10. The house was so unorganized and it took me days and days to catch up. Luckily my new baby was a good sleeper and the other kids were at school except for my then 3 year old. But we had no choice but to cope at the time. It can be hard trying to juggle busy lifes but I guess 1 day at a time. As long as our kids are healthy and happy is the most important thing. House work can always wait.
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i always think, wow, how do they do it beause i find it a constant battle! i have just found a solution though that works for me, (not everyone will like this though) as of beginning of january i put the kids into daycare 1 day a week so that i can get my jobs done. (i am loving this because i had previously had approx 3 child free days in 3 years) i was finding that i was battling to get anything done as one or both of the kiddies were wanting constant attention, and was therefore getting frustrated and grumpy because i had a messy, dirty house yet didnt get much time to sit down and have quality time with the kids. now i get all my jobs done on that one day apart from laundry which i do everyday and obviously cooking, but have so much more time to play and do stuff with the kids (2 & 3 years) 3 yr old also starts kindy next week so will now have a day just with ds which i havnt had before on his own. although they are still so young, i am finding it gets easier every day, as they actually play together now (and fight) so they do amuse each other a bit too.
so i am one much happier mum because i feel better when the house is clean. (although i cleaned it thoroughly on thursday, i have guests for dinner tomorrow and have spent the last 2 hours after kids gone to bed vaccuming, mopping and tidying) so much easier when they are out of the way. that can also be another challenge if they play up when going to bed it is hard to get things done at night til late when you are so tired.
another tip: make a list of jobs for the day, add the things you have already done, and cross them off, (makes you feel better seeing all that you have done) put 'eat chocolate' on the list and you know you will get at least get one thing done!
thanks for listening, nicky :)
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I'm definately a list person. I write down all the things I want to achieve that day and I feel really good when I see chores crossed off. I normally try and get the kitchen cleaned up and a load of washing in the machine, make beds and general tidy before going either to work or sport. When I get home I'll hang out washing and maybe start dinner and general cleaning. I'm waiting for the kids to go back to school on Wednesday so I can paint and decorate 2 bedrooms. Impossible in the holidays as I'm taxi Driver for my nearly 14 yr old. He thinks I am at his beck and call. So as they get older it sort of gets easier but not!!! They don't get tidier either! :-)) :-))
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i always think, wow, how do they do it beause i find it a constant battle! i have just found a solution though that works for me, (not everyone will like this though) as of beginning of january i put the kids into daycare 1 day a week so that i can get my jobs done. (i am loving this because i had previously had approx 3 child free days in 3 years) i was finding that i was battling to get anything done as one or both of the kiddies were wanting constant attention, and was therefore getting frustrated and grumpy because i had a messy, dirty house yet didnt get much time to sit down and have quality time with the kids. now i get all my jobs done on that one day apart from laundry which i do everyday and obviously cooking, but have so much more time to play and do stuff with the kids (2 & 3 years) 3 yr old also starts kindy next week so will now have a day just with ds which i havnt had before on his own. although they are still so young, i am finding it gets easier every day, as they actually play together now (and fight) so they do amuse each other a bit too.
so i am one much happier mum because i feel better when the house is clean. (although i cleaned it thoroughly on thursday, i have guests for dinner tomorrow and have spent the last 2 hours after kids gone to bed vaccuming, mopping and tidying) so much easier when they are out of the way. that can also be another challenge if they play up when going to bed it is hard to get things done at night til late when you are so tired.
another tip: make a list of jobs for the day, add the things you have already done, and cross them off, (makes you feel better seeing all that you have done) put 'eat chocolate' on the list and you know you will get at least get one thing done!
thanks for listening, nicky :)
nicky i think its better all round if they spend a bit of time at daycare..i think its a good solution if you can do it as not only do you get things done but they learn to socialise with others and not be so dependant on mum ..i too hate the house not being clean..and it can start to bug me.its different for mums whose kids are calm..i have one sort of calm and the other is a permannent tornado so impossible to get anything done and she is home all the time....better to have a happy mum and spend quality time with your kids with a reasonably tidy huse..happy all round!! obviously everyone has a different opinion but i wouldnt be feeling guity and only you know whats best for you and your family :) :)
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nicky i think its better all round if they spend a bit of time at daycare..i think its a good solution if you can do it as not only do you get things done but they learn to socialise with others and not be so dependant on mum ..i too hate the house not being clean..and it can start to bug me.its different for mums whose kids are calm..i have one sort of calm and the other is a permannent tornado so impossible to get anything done and she is home all the time....better to have a happy mum and spend quality time with your kids with a reasonably tidy huse..happy all round!! obviously everyone has a different opinion but i wouldnt be feeling guity and only you know whats best for you and your family :) :)
I suppose its time to 'fess up. My youngest IS in daycare - three days a week. He goes to a childminder who is like his adoring gran! I also have a cleaner for 2 hours twice a week!! I think I've been spending so much of my time cooking and baking that I've actually given almost 1/2 of it away .... The tidying up from my cooking marathons takes forever too :)
To be honest I think that the main problem is that I'm exhausted. I'm woken at least once a night, every night and have been for years. I don't get enough sleep when I am in bed and the nature of the boys problems means that life with them, although never boring, is very stressful. DH works away so there is no one to share the load except at weekends when he's so knackered from working that he merely wears a hole in the sofa ...
I probably don't actually get that much done in the day because I'm so knackered from the night that I'm busy taking breaks. The last three weeks the childminder has been on a break as she's having her kitchen done which has shot her stress levels through the roof so I've been looking after her AND the cleaner phoned in sick. We're desperately trying to get the house ready to sell so that we can move closer to work and all live TOGETHER!!! That's also really stressful because, looking ahead, it will mean school changes for the children etc. etc ....
I hope this doesn't sound like a whinge because it certainly isn't meant to be. I quite like the frantic pace of my life.
Nik
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Phew Nik, go ahead and whinge away. If anyone doesn't like it they can not read it. Selling your home is a very stressful time all by itself. As long as everyone is well cared for and loved other things don't matter. :-*
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when my kids were small they all spent one day a week in childcare and it was good for both me and them. years ago I gave up the idea of trying to be a Supermum, although I have always maintained a reasonably tidy and reasonably clean house to keep my sanity in order. I would hate my headstone to read "and here lies (CP63) -- she kept a very clean house". Its important to find time regularly to do things that you enjoy, and housework will always be there waiting for you regardless.
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funny you should say that cp63, i am a florist, and although i have been living in australia now for over 8 years, i grew up in the uk and a main part of our business was funeral flowers, at 20 i would hear stories of customers ordering their tributes and saying oh they had a hard life, or this and that, and i thought, i dont want people to say that about me, i want them to say "wow she lived life to the full" so i concentrated on my goals and went to work in austria as a chalet girl. i had a ball, lived there summer and winter for 5 years, seeing 2 very different seasons with the party animals in winter that skied hard, partied hard, and the more relaxed hikers in summer, that put me to shame when the 70year olds would actually hike right to the top of mountains.
so i met my dh in austria who is an aussie, hence living here now, and since having kids i must say its often hard to remember my own philosophy i sometimes miss that period in my life, but wouldnt swap it for my kids, the challenges they bring are definately outweighed by the rewards and cuddles.
so everyone, take time to enjoy and remember we are here for a good time not a long time!!!!! ;)
nicky
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and wow, this thread has started something, it seems a lot of people feel the same!
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yep and think its great to know that others feel the same..sometimes being a mum can be lonely in respect to our daily tasks and always thinking we arent living up to the norm!! thing is the norm is chaos lol...it feels good to know others are the same ;D
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main part of our business was funeral flowers, at 20 i would hear stories of customers ordering their tributes and saying oh they had a hard life, or this and that, and i thought, i dont want people to say that about me, i want them to say "wow she lived life to the full" so i concentrated on my goals and went to work in austria as a chalet girl.
Funny you should say that, we lost dh's brother in an rta when he was 29. He'd only been married 9 months but one thing that was of "comfort" to us was that he'd packed so much into his short life. He really had lived life to the full!
My house is rarely "spotless" but always welcoming. When visitors drop by I sit and chat with them rather than multi tasking. In the summer (its difficult to remember summer when there's an inch of frost on the car) we quite frequently abandon the house and go play.
And Cookie, I learnt ages ago that whinging doesn't change anything - it actually often just prolongs the agony as you moan, moan, moan about a situation. I much prefer to find the humour in the writing on the wall (literally) or the food on the carpet .... ;D ;D
Life is mad, you might as well laugh about.
Nik
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I think most of us with small children are in the same boat. There are never enough hours in the day and life is just so busy. I put the kids into child care one day each week and spend the day madly cleaning, ironing, washing, weeding, mending and fruit and veg shopping. After I have finished my frenzy I sit back with a nice drink and enjoy the clean house for a few moments before picking the boys up.
I have become more conscious of time wasting and now limit my time on the computer. It is too easy to get distracted and loose a couple of hours. I also limit my cooking now. I was spending too much time in the kitchen and not enough time with my family. I loved making everything from scratch with the thermomix for our family, but I had to give up precious time with the boys to do that. I believe in kids going off to play, but also think they need time with their parent throughout the day. Lately I have been buying bread - something I never thought I would do again. It is wholesome and sometimes organic bread that I buy, but still bought bread. Buying bread has made a big difference to my days though and has really has lightened my load.
I am learning to be kind to myself and set myself more achieveable goals for mothering and housekeeping. :)
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Hooray-some honest mums ;D! I suppose though it's easier to open up via a computer screen than face to face at playgroup/mother's group!
It all seems to be a case of finding the right balance for each family-some days I'm almost there, and other days the walls collapse around me! I'm often tired from interrupted sleep like many of the rest of you and my little ones rise very early in the morning. I used to whinge about the early start but now I try to use this to my advantage-by 6:30am I have normally hung out the washing, unstacked the dishwasher (both put on the night before to save power), got the children dressed and ready for the day. I then do the bread while eating/cleaning up breakfast. Sometimes I even get some dinner prep done, this is the time of the day that my children actually seem to get along and be slightly independent so I make the most of it :) It all goes downhill from there but my main jobs are already done for the day so I can relax in the chaos a bit more (I should say 'try' to relax, I'm a tad highly strung!).
I'm extremely lucky too to have a very hands on hubby-one night he baths the kids and puts them to bed while I clean up the house and kitchen, the next night we swap. Parenting is hard enough as a team sometimes so my deepest repect goes to those that do it solo. I also think those of you who have children with special needs are amazing-you are your child's parent, advocate and educator, be kind to yourselves!
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I used to complain when people walked on my nice clean floor/carpet/etc. Then after my Dad died I realised that Mum would have no one to walk on her floors. It hit me very strongly that at least I have people dirtying things up. How horrid to have no one to make things dirty. It seems silly but it hit me very strongly. Now if I want to complain, I simply remember this and keep my mouth shut. A bit like Pollyanna and her positive things.
Nicola1968 I really do agree with finding the humour in things. There are so many things that we have a laugh about-if we didn't we may well cry about them. DD works in the medical industry and speaks often of the 'black' humour that people use to help them get through. As teachers we used 'black' humour often. Never meaning any disrespect though. Just a coping mechanism.
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:o I love the honesty...our house is clean..but not very organised.. Formal lounge room has chair covers that is the clean clothes that need to be folded....not including socks and undies they go in a separate basket..easier to find in a hurry..everyone in it is happy.. and well feed ..I think. :D
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We have the estate agent coming round this afternoon to take marketing photos of the house but over the next day or so I'll try and give you some "honesty". I don't go for all this supermum cr*p and competitiveness.
The bottom line is that something's got to give and I'd rather have my kids happy and healthy than be screaming at them to take their shoes off or only let them have one toy out at a time.
Nik
P.S. Actually, for the most part, my boys really love my home cooked stuff - ds2 actually demanded to take a loaf of my bread into school for show and tell - they were learning about Gaudi at the time who only every drew with curves and had no straight lines in his work - I'd made a cottage loaf. He showed and told it and then the class all ate some of it ;D ;D
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Another with 4 kids here. 16, 9, 5 and 3... and two of the boys are ASD, ADHD
Ceejay would like to know if you medicate your boys...my son has had problems for a number of years. He is 6 going to be 7 this year. I walked out last year when the Developmental centre here wanted to medicate him (mostly because DH and MIL are totally against it) But things have started to get worse, so saw GP yesterday who has booked him in to a private Phscologist and this time I will as he himself is struggling, that to me isn't fair!..
So give me your advice!!
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Sorry-bit off the topic now but in response the the quote form ceejay, have you looked into any alternative therapies? I've used Sound Therapy ('The Listening Program') and Primitive Reflex integration ('Rhytmic Movement Training') successfully for several children I've worked with who have ADHD and/or ASD-goggle them. There's a lot on offer out there if you aren't keen to go down the medication route. Medication can mask the symtoms we see but not treat the cause. Working from a neurological perspective will though.
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Another with 4 kids here. 16, 9, 5 and 3... and two of the boys are ASD, ADHD
Ceejay would like to know if you medicate your boys...my son has had problems for a number of years. He is 6 going to be 7 this year. I walked out last year when the Developmental centre here wanted to medicate him (mostly because DH and MIL are totally against it) But things have started to get worse, so saw GP yesterday who has booked him in to a private Phscologist and this time I will as he himself is struggling, that to me isn't fair!..
So give me your advice!!
I'm not Ceejay but two of my boys have ADHD. William ( my oldest is really very severe) and we reluctantly began medication just before he was 5. At the time, we lived in a war zone and the poor child could do nothing right. His relationships within the family were just awful and his self esteem was at rock bottom. Medication saved his life, almost literally. I was also against medication but I also believed that ADHD was down to bad parenting (well THAT bit me on the bum! ;D) I have tried everything, fish oils, diet, exercise (actually makes him worse - gives him more bloody energy!) and I've also done a number of parenting classes - I'm actually qualified to facilitate a parenting class (we don't teach, we merely 'facilitate' the participants to find their own answers .... :-))
My middle child is borderline ADHD and benefts hugely from a small dose of ritalin in the morning on school days. We rarely give it to him on non school days as Will is still pretty hyper even with his cocktail of drugs so it makes no sense to have a super loon and a docile child! It allows him to focus at school and actually learn, it also helps in his relationships with his peers at school - ADHD children are generally NOT the most popular because they are so unpredictable.
I presume your child has been offered ritalin which has actually been in use for a number of decades (since about the '60's I believe). Unfortunately everyone is biased so I won't bore you with my opinion but when we tried Will on it, very reluctantly, we decided on a three month trial. There are other non-stimulant drugs such as atomoxetine which are newer and work differently - ritalin works when you take it and then wears off - it doesn't build up in the system or anything like that but atomoxetine builds up in time.
I don't know where you are but a good paediatrician is a God send. William sees a paediatric psychiatrist and she has taken over his prescribing now and I noticed you are booked to see a psychologist - a point to note is that (in the UK at least) psychologists can't prescribe and may be biased away from medication.
Feel free to PM me if you want to - I'm happy to help/reassure/listen to the latest escapade that you child has got up to ;D
I've just seen Thermie Crew's response and wanted to add that nobody actually knows the cause of ADHD but its largely believed that there is an element of genetics in play. If this is the case, you can only hope to mask the symptoms as you can't change the genetics ...
Nik
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:) Thanks Nik
Your oldest son sounds very much like mine..he is always the "blame" for everything and can do nothing right..I have always tried to not be so angry at him, but i'm only 1 parent and family member. He is a beautiful child!! I have tried everything as you did. I keep him on a very simple diet too.Did OT last year . Feel very sorry for him as he has problems making friends and is very far behind in school at least 1.5yrs below most children his age. Have been told numerous times it is my parenting ( Don't listen now as I have done the courses too and could control a Daycare of 60 children, before I had him)
We are in Perth. WA. The lady we are seeing tuesday sounds lovely and is truely going to listen.
Will keep you all updated. A big issue we have is sleeping so they also want to medicate him for this too!
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There is a fabulous book called "Motherguilt" by Ita Buttrose and Penny Adams ........... a really down to earth and "real" book that tells it like it is, about motherhood and the difficulties we face, and the way that women tend to beat ourselves up emotionally for not being "perfect" (whatever that is), and how to relax and be kind to ourselves. I know it is really difficult to find the time to read when you have young kids, but I found this book really helpful. :-* :-* to all the busy women out there ;D
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I have two of my children medicated for sleep - they are on melatonin which is a synthetic reproduction of a hormone produced by the body. They are NOT medicated for my amusement or even my convenience at night but if they don't go to sleep at a reasonable hour they can't get up in the morning and I've learnt that there is very little worse in life than a tired ADHD child!!
;D ;D
Nik
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I'm absolutely floored that more than one of you have been told that 'bad parenting' is the cause for your child's condition :o. I'm glad that you no longer believe it! If anything you are probably better parents than most as you have to work so much harder to get anywhere-your courses demonstrate this.
I believe that hereditary factors make an individual more likely to be diagnosed with the condition but that this does not exist in isolation. Children with ADHD are similar to toddlers in regards to their impulsiveness, lack of concentration and need for continual movement. This suggests that maturation of the brain has been delayed-there are not the same number of nerve nets in the neocortex and frontal lobes. I find the children I work with to be very bright but their behaviour is sadly still governed by lower parts of the brain-a source of extreme frustration to the individual.
Movements from early childhood such as rocking, rolling and crawling can be really successful in creating better connections within the brain, allowing the higher centres to take over control (and therefore improving concentration, behaviour and wellbeing). This is especially important in children who missed these milestones as a baby.
I can understand peoples scepticism but the follwing websites may be really helpful if you want to learn more:
www.movetolearn.com.au
www.rhythmicmovement.com
http://www.inpp.org.uk
Move to Learn is particularly great as it can be done at home for only the cost of the DVD/book. It can also be done in your child's classroom with the teacher's support. It's a very small amount of money for something that could improve your child's life dramatically-worth a try really.
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I would just like to put my 2cents worth in. I have been reading your posts and couldn't not say anything.
There is a lady in Northern NSW who deals with balancing the body. We first took my son to see her as he is dyslexic and have had amazing results. To date all my immediate family has been to see her and a couple of friends. I have sat in on all the treatments and have witnessed some incredible transformations. She uses eastern medicine to treat imbalances in the body including brain mapping and treats illnesses from cancer, allergies, ADHD, dyslexia you name it she treats it! She is the only one in Australia practicing the way she does, she is not a hippy or a fruitloop, but a well educated lady. I was very sceptical when I first heard about her, but the person who recommended her was so insistant that I decided to give her a try. I would recommend her to anyone, her prices are very reasonable and she doesn't prescribe a lot of medication. Anyway her details are:
www.ruahrainforestretreat@bigpond.com.au 367 Settlement Road Chillingham NSW 2484 02 6679 1868
Hope someone finds this information helpful
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Thanks CarolineT if I lived in NSW I would definately go and see her. I think anything is worth a try when it comes to our beautiful kids!!! Will keep my eye out for someone like that here in Perth WA.
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We have been taking my eldest son to see a pediatrician as he has some behaviour management issues - anger control, fitting in with social rules and others. He also has sleeping issues, in that it takes him a really long time to settle to sleep but is always up before 7am (not as early as some I know) and is always tired and therefore less able to cope with stressful situations or see beyond the negative. His pediatrician has said he has borderline Aspergers tendencies (won't wear some clothes because they "feel bad" for example). This doesn't change anything, but does give us a different perspective on his behaviour. Our son is taking a melatonin product too, and it certainly helps him to get to sleep.
I did recently read a book called "They are what you feed them" by Alex Richardson. The book is about how foods impact on the brain and therefore on behaviour, mood and learning. See http://www.fabresearch.org/962 for more info. It was a really interesting read and one you might find helpful.
As a parent it is heart breaking to see your kids struggle in making friends or fitting in with other kids, for whatever reason. the way you deal with it has to be the way that fits with you and your family. Otherwise you are just adding more stress to your lives that you really don't need. Who cares what everyone else thinks? They don't live your life, only you do that.
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just have to say to be careful of either books, doctors or other saying that food is the problem...my brother had/still has in my opinion severe ADHD (doctors say they grow out of it and/or learn to cope better..my brother never did...he is still as impulsive, angry, chaotic, hyper as he always was maybe just able to manage himself around people he has too but it never lasts that long) and this was well before it was a well known and acknowledged problem..my poor mum was told by every doctor, specialist etc that it was food related.she had him and herself as support on all sorts of weird and wonderful diets....its wrong imo...alot of behavioural problems are not caused by what we eat at all..they may not be helping but certainly dont cause the problem and no diet is going to fix the problem either..eg true ADD (and not just an overactive kid) is a chemical imbalance in the brain that you are born with...saying that i think every one of us should be careful what we eat as well as what we put on our bodies etc etc...in any case i would avoid that area totally in relation to behavioural and learning problems. Still great to read and research though and when possible speak to specialists in the area of your childs problem and not just a GP.
my brother used to see specialists who were the leaders in this speciality, sadly one passed away and the other im not sure about in any case others have taken their place. Now there are so many doctors, specialists etc and alot of misdiagnosed kids but anyway thats a whole other topic lol
anyway sorry just my 2 cents but after seeing my mum struggle with bieng told food is the problem i just had to say something ..
:)
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Thanks for that Frozzie. I'm too emotionally involved to formulate an appropriate response to some of the diet/supplement arguments
Fortunately my ds1 has a team of specialists who already feel that his ADHD, at 9, is too severe for him to grow out of when he reaches adulthood.
Nik
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Thanks for that Frozzie. I'm too emotionally involved to formulate an appropriate response to some of the diet/supplement arguments
Fortunately my ds1 has a team of specialists who already feel that his ADHD, at 9, is too severe for him to grow out of when he reaches adulthood.
Nik
i can understand nik..its very hard to deal with and even more so when they are constantly around you and it causes alot of pressure on everyone in the family unit..i know it isnt easy but your ds is young yet so dont get disheartened doctors can be wrong about later on as that depends largely on the individual and their determination but it will be a lifelong struggle for him to control his behaviour and for you to help him with that control and making him responsible for his actions (something my mum never did..think she thought he had enough against him but in the end it hasnt helped him at all jsut worsened his behaviour)..are you in a parents support group (that helps alot ..my mum used to be quite involved in running them where we used to live.if not you_ should look into it).
.my only advice as someone who grew up with a sibling with severe ADHD is to not give into all the whims and emotional demands..unfortunatley my mum did and still does and it has only increased his problem and causes alot of family problems also..i know as a mum its obvioysly alot harder than a sibling but gives a clearer perspective as you find yoiurself in a world where you suffer along with them but have no control over anything but experience it all and its not easy but i thik its important that the child learns to be responsible for their actions as i mentioned before like any other child even if its harder for them if you understand my meaning..my brother learnt to use this to his advangtage which is sad and upsetting ie using his illness as a means to do what he wants and my mum let him ie it was never nipped in the bud and years and years later same thing even though the problems are alot bigger..also dont go thinking your son may turn out like my brother as he is a very very severe ADHD and most woldnt believe half the things he has done. bottom line i think if you are there for your son but set limits and guide him as best you can im sure he will turn out just fine. I also feel for you as a mum dealing with it all as I understand the choices, anguish and pain not to mention worry you are gong through..i saw it all first hand.
hang in there nik...the strength we have when necessary as mothers is amazing and in the end every mother trys teh best they can to do the best at bringing up their children then its up to them :)
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:'( It is so sad with what some children/adults have to deal with in life. I just hope all our children understand we did our best for them and yes sometimes we say and do things we aren't proud of, but as someone said before we aren't "SUPER" Mum's ..but we were chosen for our children!!! But boy I love finding the time to escape the pressure of being a Mum and just cook with the help of the TM!!!!
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Frozzie, wow, what a reply, thanks, its always nice to hear from someone who understands what we're up against but to be honest, its been a long time coming but, we have reached acceptance. DS1's ADHD is VERY severe (he's almost non-verbal without medication and incontinent) but I have had the benefit of having a brother like yours (and a mother like yours ...) and I want something different. I was a woman in the workplace in the late '80's early 90's and had to work harder and smarter to be recognised for my achievements just as ds will have to work hard to overcome his ADHD. When he reaches adulthood, there will be no allowances made (and to be honest, there's not many made at school) so I aim to make fairly few allowances now.
He has loads of fabulous qualities and we focus a great deal on them - he's really kind, he has a huge sense of justice and is very loving. He's also very good company - I enjoy spending time with him, he makes me laugh :)
I feel very fortunate with our medical care team - they've worked with us over the years and have been very supportive.
Both my boys are very well liked because underneath the hopping and the jumping and the screeching and shouting they are really lovely boys
Oooh, I feel quite emotional :)
Somebody asked me a few weeks ago whether I thought they'd be OK when they got older. I was a bit stumped initially but then I realised that they WOULD be OK, even if it kills me getting them there ;) :D
Nik
Nik
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I'm so glad you girls have found others to talk to who understand what you are going through - I wish you all well in raising your children to be accepted members of our community and being able to reach their full potential. It sounds as if it will not be from lack of effort on your part if this doesn't happen. :-* :-*
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:) no prob couldnt help it...its stronger than me as I know its hard, very hard but think it helps a whole lot having grown up with it..allows you to deal with the problem differently with your own kids...fortunatley for me as i had such a hard time dealing with my brother.. my children seem to have skipped that 'gene' and although quite overactive kids are definately not ADHD and they sleep at night (when i was having doubts about my DD my mum said to me if she is sleeping at night (which she refused to do for the first 8mths of her life) then thats already a good sign ...you sound like a lovely mum nik and i like that you see the good sides of your boys and not justy their behavioural problems amongst all the stress and struggles...glad to hear about having a good medical team but i hope you have other parents around you in the same situation that you can talk to and just let off steam or unload now and then or at least good understanding friends :))
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I also have a son (13) with ADHD. He was diagnosed at the age of 3 and has been medicated on and off for the last 10 years. every now and then I would give him a period of time without the medication to see how he would cope and sadly everytime things went down hill at school at home and with his friends. I always feel sad that who he is off his medication is a boy that his friends didn't like and that the teachers couldn't teach and his siblings (and parents) found it hard to cope with his behaviour. Its been tough at times with him suffering depression and feeling worthless when he was rejected by friends and especially as he gets older. recently we have had to change medication as the one he was on for the last few years was starting to give him migraines as he hit puberty. He is now on a different tablet which I really didn't want to put him on but it seems to be OK, we are also trying to cut out as many preservatives and additives as we can (Thanks to the TM) to try to improve his behaviour. He has another 4 years of high school to go and hopefully will be good bye to medication all together. I never used to tell anyone that he was on medication at all as I have heard some very negative people who would say some pretty nasty things. But the truth is that I really don't thing he would of coped at all without it. He would have no friends and would definitely suffer at school. and depression would become a huge problem as I have seen glimpses of this without medication and its not nice to see him suffer so much. the severity of ADHD differs from child to child and the treatment that works best for one may not work for another. We all just want the best for our children and will do what ever we have to do to achieve this.
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But the truth is that I really don't thing he would of coped at all without it. He would have no friends and would definitely suffer at school. and depression would become a huge problem as I have seen glimpses of this without medication and its not nice to see him suffer so much.
I had to highlight this quote because it just about sums up the role of medication for the majority of parents - it is for the benefit of THE CHILD!!! Its not so we can have an easy life, its so that our children can cope, so that they can learn and so that they can feel good about themselves.
I don't give a monkeys what my children destroy or the noise they make but I DO want them to fulfill their potential and to be able to make friends.
Nik
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Thanks for all the honesty, thoughts and advice, I know don't feel so bad about going to our appointment tomorrow and feel encouraged by all your different stories. But most of all I have decided I don't care what other people now have to say, as long as DS is happy and the doctors feel this is what he needs I will try it, holding my head high because I am so proud oh him and happy at the joy he has brought to my life!
In the holidays I started a blog called crazy life with 2 kids... my main aim was to be honest about the highs and lows of parenting as sometimes we all think we are the only one!!
I will keep you informed!
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Good for you natmum ;). The experiences of others are great for encouraging what you though to be right in the first place. Good luck :)
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I'm really glad this thread has been of use, and pleased that Natmum now feels more confident.
Good luck for tomorrow, we'll all be thinking of you
Nik
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I hope tomorrow goes well Natmum. I will be thinking of you.
At the end of the day we all just have to do what we think is best for our children. I have coped some flack over the years since we picked up our son from Ethiopia for some of my rather unconventional parenting methods. It truly is water off a ducks back though.
One day when our son was almost four he asked to hear his adoption story and on that day for the first time he fully understood what it meant to be adopted. We had always talked about it, but on that day he really understood it. He was completely distraught and begged me to tell him that he had grown in my tummy. From that day on I could see his world slowly falling apart. He struggled to eat and sleep and his behaviour became quite aggressive and unpredictable (very unusual for our son). My family thought I was a little crazy when just before his fourth birthday I started carrying him in a sling, singing to him gently, giving him bedtime bottles of warm milk and rubbing his back until he feel asleep each night. I knew it was what he needed though to bring him back to me and make him feel connected again. Within 3 weeks he was almost back to his normal self and my family were marvelling at the change. He still has enormous issues and trauma to deal with in the future but he and I are bonded as mother and son once again and able to deal with things together.
Listen to your heart and don't be scared to give something a go (even if your family don't agree or approve). You are the Mum and the one person who will fight for your child above all others.
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This thread just tugs at my heartstrings, I've been sitting here just gazing at the screen and thinking how wonderful it is that all you lovely young mothers are sharing your stories and hopes for your children. I wish each and every one of you the joy of receiving the love back from those children - it will be worth the struggles you have had/ are having/will continue to have. :-* :-* :-*
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This thread just tugs at my heartstrings, I've been sitting here just gazing at the screen and thinking how wonderful it is that all you lovely young mothers
I'm neither lovely nor young JD. ;D ;D
I'm nearly 43 and much as I love my children I'm pretty sure they could recount some Mumzilla stories (as they should be able to)
I can say that the love comes back to you 10 fold and very, very quickly. I'm still amazed that my 9yr old still thinks I'm perfect! That will change very soon. :-))
Nik
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love the openess and honesty of this thread....keeps things real and not so fake..society can create a whole lot of unwanted pressures unfortunately causing us to be embarrassed if we dont live up to the perfect wife, mum and friend (by the way thats impossible!! lol)..such is life but dealing with difficulties in my opinion makes us stronger and a better person for it..like other mums have said just follow your hearts and 'gut' feelings no matter what others say, whether that be family, friends or other...mothers are generally the closest to their children and spend the most time with them and generally know whats best ...everyone always has an opinion especially with difficult children and most of the tipme these people have NO idea...follow your hearts people and give yourselves a break xo
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I've just read through this and it has brought tears to my eyes. Hang in there lovely Mums and has been said go with your gut feelings. They are rarely wrong. :-* :-*
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The appointment went well Lisa was lovely. She has said he has huge anxiety problems...not sure where this has come from (both sides have mental illness/anxiety in them) We are going to do weekly session and see where things go. So this is probably the answer behind not being able to sleep or concentrate at school. Will keep you posted. :)
PS Chelsea..I love what you did..I belive honesty with kids is the best cause they are more hurt when they find out you lied!!! I hope he feels so much more comfort from you now too!! Did bring tears to my eyes too...as where they came from is a really big deal!!!
Nik 43 is not old!!!! I was the youngest at my mothers group being 31 thought that was strange!!
Mentally some days I feel 120 LOL